meet me or not, i'm out of control
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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