Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
