I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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