Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
