guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
