Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
