god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
