I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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