We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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