It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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