I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
