yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
