I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
