im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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