Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
