I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
