I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude i'm inner monologue high
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
