Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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