I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
