Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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