Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it's like iHOP with fire
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
