a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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