It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
