ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
