Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
