And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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