dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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