If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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