I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
