It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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