Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
