We're facebook friends in real life
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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