Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Pappa wants mamma naked
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
