so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
