He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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