there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
