Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
