I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You dont lie about slip and slides
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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