I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
