I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
