it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
