Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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