We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
