The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
