Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
