You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Life is so much better after having sex.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
