He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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