If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
