Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
