She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
