forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
