I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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