she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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