I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
