No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
